Love, Damning, Love

It
It would be a shame
If I let my heart go to waste
But these days are getting shorter
And I am getting weaker
Summoning insanities

Tease
That’s all you do to me
The world is crumbling
And all you see
Is my little white lie
And the flame that it ignites

Nights that I’ll never get back
Of public intimacies
Glaring oblivions
In the eyes
Despising sobrieties countering lifetimes

Cause I have this heart
And I have this love
But it’s never been mine
It’s never been enough
And I think this time I’ll try
I’ll be too sweet

Feeling lightheaded from the lack of nutrition
Divinity channeling newfound intuition
Tell me that it’s blasphemy when it is my religion
I wanna be surrounded by the people who get it
Get it?
Got it?
Good

What I need is your hand
So show me what you’re holding

I say “go all in”
Cause what’s the point of living
If we only half-ass it?
With hopeful odds
Your cynical thoughts turn odd
And you ought to leave me be
For the cataclysm of my needs
Is in a gaze I’ll never receive

Then you smile from the corner
Of your mouth and I’m in trouble
Cause tonight’s intimacies
Will be tomorrow’s media stories
I can feel it all slipping
With my knuckles white, gripping
I can feel it all shifting
Your gaze
That catalyst
Fuck me for being stuck in my ways

I think you’re a good person
But morality varies
From experience
I can’t pretend

I’ve always been fractured
Though we hold hands at the table when we pray
I know they won’t stay
It won’t be the same
Once the high wears off
You’ll retrieve your hands
Prickled and blood stained
The bond of body and time
Gone
Drunk like the wine I drank under the table as a kid

Let slip a little bit of forgiveness
Fuck the image I was made in
Spiritual imprisonment
I was only a kid
Those same shackles dig into my bones now
Are you proud?
Now that I have grown?

I pause for laughter
Blood soaked
And obsolete
No longer the comedic relief
My veins split
My wrists tear
As I plead
Plead
Plead
Please realize

It’s not for a heart trying not to leave