WHEN PRIDE COMES AROUND

When Pride comes around
I am reminded
There is joy in queerness
In vibrancy and unbrushed teeth
In brunches and luncheons and sunset gatherings
In softness and drunkenness
In dismantling coping mechanisms

I spend all year battling for my life
Watching the rise and the fall of the tide
I spend all year with a hand to my chest
“Be still, my heart” and if not,
I’ll catch it in the instant it leaps through my ribcage
For Pride is glaring back at me
And all my friends are unbecoming

Queerness
Is a crisp diet coke on a sunny weekday
An unexpected nap
Finding comfort in ‘00s sitcoms
It’s healing the inner child
Allowing them the freedom
To frolic in the fields
To scribble and to color
To express however they feel
Without the expectation
To be pretty
To be orderly

When Pride comes around,
The house lights dim
And the expectations of both my community
And the world beyond
Expects sex sex sex

After spending the year fielding questions from my peers
Correcting pronouns from people I’ve already come out to
Finding empowerment in modesty and sexuality
This spotlight not only beckons
But exploits
My queerness
To an audience unloving

When Pride comes around
And we gather downtown
I see bloodstains in place of body paint
Tears in makeup sweat-stained
And I think
“They must have been running for their lives”
For even in the refuge we create for ourselves
I’ve never felt safe
From a gunman or a picket

When Pride comes around
I pull my friends closer
For to be seen is to be loved
In intimacy and subtleties
In the nuances of our identity
The very act of breathing
Of being queer and merely existing
Is the most profound act of resistance
And the joy I cherish most

So I’ll meditate in the meadow
Run barefoot in the forest
I’ll scream within my quietude
I’ll use softness as a weapon

I’ll shield my self
My love
My friends
My queerness in this dizzying existence
And I’ll float away in the river at dusk
Carrying with me
The protests
The provocation
The lives
Of every queer person
Whose existence predates mine

It is because of their life that I now live
And in my breath
I continue theirs