charmed cruelty

i took that charm before you could hold it over my head
when you wake alone will you wish you were dead?
i would cry but i’ve been screaming and i’m out of breath 

i’d rather you memorize the curvature of my lips
and write in cursive your cruel remembrance
for it to become an overture we consciously forget
echoing forever in the back of my head

than to allow these sleepless nights
and your stinging laugh
to prance about a freedom i found in your presence
eternally inquiring with a pitiful cruelty:
"are you glad?”

the look on your face
that very first day
was a solemness desperately hoping to escape
the happenstance of it all

how i would hold on to each lingering word through the fall
and with each unexpected
confessional
wave
i would realize that i can’t be this way
but i will never wash away

i told you i was running
you said i was shitty for leaving
leaving the city—its fucking beauty
and the people who attempted to save me from dying

but i’m pulling the plug on the life i once knew
as this forsaken kiss is nothingness
eternally

hypnotized by your charmed cruelty
my chest is emptied

i’m out of breath