let the dark take away my once beating heart and replace it with an inconceivable solace

how can i not antagonize my mind?
i was told when i was young to be divine
told that the people you know are the people who know
know everything of holiness
know a heathen when they see one

i escaped their hold
and in my loneliness i linger
the malpractice of existence
i am the ruiner

don’t say it now it’s far too late
it’s eight minutes past our first date
i spent seven hours hoping that you would call
but it’s the sixth day and it’s how you are
if i took your five fingers into my hand
would it be too forward to understand?
i was burnt by the trinity when i was young:
the spirit, the father, and the fucking son
i, too, am a prodigal—i run
how would you feel if i wasn’t the one?
i was thinking i’m better as none

psychedelic eyes graze my window
my car starts to hurl but never onward
and i think it’s unfair to personify
any entity when it’s a struggling life

the echoes of doors slamming into cars
rightful ownership but we can’t say it’s ours
these words don’t make sense, in the sea of my stomach
if get to pick my poison, i’d rather be purged

this world is a tumultuous tormenting tyrant
i’m stuck screaming sadistic statements, hell bent
hell bent on falling apart above the bible belt
so i’m driving home
i’m looking for help

the rain keeps falling as if to say
“you won’t ever make it out okay?”
and it hits too right and it cuts too deep
so i crash the first moment
anything to sleep

i lost my grandparents in the flame of my youth
and i turned to cope with it—what’s a kid to do?
addictively susceptible, facilitating harm
i’m only twenty now but i wish to disarm
these broken methods—and furthermore—
this heart of mine

godforsaken heart

it’s been twenty minutes now
alone in my car
embodied by a crowd
wondering how
i’m sat, paralyzed
antagonizing my mind