iii. impermanent certainty

i wonder now, years from then
if i could’ve been a better lover
i asked you how you have been
and you shrugged
said your mother killed herself
but it’s all all right cause she had it coming

and in that simple moment
your frailty shook my world
i saw a faint faint glimmer
of what’s now lost—called hope
and it burned all your past selves
in the desert of our love
and the sun continued to set
with the fumes so picturesque
i could never recall, was it seventeen
or twenty-three
when the night crept into our chest
and our lips forever torn
never to make amends
my head still held above yours
in the streetlight that haunts my heart
you’ve left me yet again
left me for all i know
which is forever
and all i know
is i don’t know who i am

if the capacity of you and i
could’ve been a little more wide
i would’ve reached to the other side
i would’ve never let you go
and the city’s still stuck in my back
from when we fell down that flight of stairs
stargazing through pollution
declaring love like a solution
but we never were enough
never enough of ourselves
so how could i have given
you my all
and how could i have known
we were destined to let this go

they say it’s all all right
cause she had it coming
it was only a matter of time
til the light dimmed from her eyes
and even after all this time
i can never be sure
if it was her or it was i
we’ll never have clarity
because as far as time is concerned
i am as dead to her
as she is dead to me

impermanent certainty
i swear your name like divinity
i’m not mad—how could i be?
when you still have a piece of me

she said her mother left this world
but it’s all all right
yeah it’s all all right

cause where she once felt empty
now lies sweet relief